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Don't just heal grief - transform it

Transformational loss coachTabitha Jayne believes that we should use our loss and grief to transform the way we look at life.

There is a tendency in our society to talk about healing loss as if it is a physical wound. It reduces loss to nothing more than an illness to be cured as quickly as possible. When we 'get back to normal' we are healed. 

This approach has failed us in our understanding of grief and made us miss the real nature of loss.

It has created a society that is reluctant to express loss and by doing so we keep our grief inside ourselves, instead of letting it go.

My view is that transformation will help us understand the real nature of loss and how it can have a positive affect on our lives as we go forward.

Transformation shows us that we don´t need to heal anything. We can take our loss and change it into something more, something better within ourselves.

In the process of transformation, not only do we let go of our loss but we gain something far greater in return.

We become like caterpillars entering the cocoon stage. By going into the darkness of our loss and accepting it rather than fighting against it we can emerge from loss brighter and lighter than before.

Transforming loss means you realise that life really is too short. It is the awareness that life is incredibly precious and we have a responsibility to live fully and die without regrets.

Transforming loss means changing fundamental aspects of your life. It means acknowledging and experiencing deep and often extremely painful emotions.

It means facing demons and letting them go.

But it also means discovering your hidden dreams and identifying what you really want for your life and from your life.

Transforming loss can be difficult to accept and achieve as the emotional pain of loss is so intense. 

But rather than running from it, transforming loss requires that you accept the emotional pain and turmoil and explore it.

This trial of your emotional strength and desire to be transformed takes courage, and time.

It is easier to continue living as you did before and wait for the pain and grief to heal. But this way, the loss is likely to tap into unresolved past painful experiences when you least want it to.

So we have to face down these exeriences that will otherwise come back to haunt us.  If we don't let them go we stay trapped in the past like the caterpillar on the plant´s leaf.

Transformation requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves to identify behaviour that isn't in our best interests and to change it.

By choosing to transform loss you create a statement of intent. A statement that says: 'I deserve the best for myself'.

By following this statement, you are on the path to transforming loss into new happiness and increased health.

Once on this path you have the opportunity to find your true purpose and fulfil your wildest dreams.

At its most basic, it poses this question: 'Do you wish to live your life as a caterpillar? Or are you prepared to metamorphosis into a butterfly and experience life from another plane?'

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