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Randy Newman: Short People

Peter Erftemeijer is a creative person in every sense of the word, and his list displays his originality and quircky view of life.

All of these songs are first timers, and with the exception of Edith Piaf's No, Je Ne Regrette Rien, are unlikely to make other people's lists. But they are brilliant songs nevertheless.

If you don't laugh with Tom Lehrer, see a doctor.

Short People (Album version: Randy Newman

This used to annoy my friend and colleague, Anita, who was small and had a tiny car...

Poisoning Pigeons In The

La Venus du Mélo: Stacey Kent

A great voice, nearly perfect in French with a lovely trace of an English accent – if only my French pronunciation was that good!

SPark: Tom Lehrer

A tough choice: this song or the one about the disembodied hand. This brilliantly hilarious track won. It's what you really want to tell (your) little children, while feeding the birds in the park.

Shaffy Cantate: Ramses Shaffy

Well-known in the Netherlands in the 1960s, this guy's excuse for being late in drama class was that "a pigeon flew in his eye" (reference above). A great cabaret singer with operatic ambitions.

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien: Edith Piaf

My mother song this on stage – it's when I realised that she had a voice that was quite different from anyone else. I never heard her sing in public since

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